i am in what feels like an advanced state of brain decay

where every day is a trial and i await the comfort of future reflection

to see if my struggle was honest

i don't think this is how i should feel

i can't read, can't focus, don't command the same vocabulary

every lesson i learn about myself is challenged

i am in therapy and learning to perform responses

to whatever fucked up shit i can't shake off next

i didn't want to write like this but i have no idea how else to reflect

//

every last ion is agitated

and i am not nobility

it is incredible seeing everything that i had wondered about tennis balls an volleyballs

at greater scale

the truth was always that they very rarely collide

i am back to square one

alchemy